The Japanese Tea Ceremony
- Ross Harrison
- Sep 24
- 8 min read
Updated: Oct 3
A Timeless Ritual for Your Elopement Day
Feel free to skip to the scannable FAQs here.
A Pause in the Rush of the Day
On your wedding day, moments often pass in a blur. After the long wait and anticipation, the ceremony, the joy, and even the photo shoot can all feel like they happen too quickly. A common regret couples share is that they never truly paused to take it all in. From the rush of hair and makeup, to getting to the church, to powering through group photos and heading straight to the reception — the day can become a whirlwind.
That’s why so many of the couples we speak with — those who choose to elope in Japan — are drawn to
the cha-no-yu(茶の湯), or Japanese tea ceremony.
The tea ceremony is more than a cultural ritual; it’s an intentional pause. It creates a chance to be fully present with each other, to reflect on the promises you’ve just made, and to experience something profoundly Japanese, together. The very act of participating in the ritual encourages you to slow down, be mindful, and savor one another’s company.
It also ties perfectly into our mission at Elope in Japan: to share unique Japanese cultural experiences with our couples. From tea ceremonies and kimono, to rituals such as san-san-ku-do and the red string of destiny, we love weaving moments of authentic tradition into each elopement day.
A Brief History of the Tea Ceremony
The tea ceremony as we know it today has its roots in Zen Buddhism. Powdered green tea, otherwise known as matcha, was introduced to Japan from China during the late Heian period (794–1185) and gained popularity among monks as a way of staying alert during meditation.
By the 16th century, the ritual of preparing and serving tea had evolved into an art form under the guidance of Sen no Rikyū, who is often credited as the father of the modern tea ceremony. His philosophy emphasized simplicity, humility, and the idea of finding beauty in imperfection: a concept known as wabi-sabi.
From this foundation emerged the “Four Principles of Tea”:
Harmony (wa) – with nature, with others, and with the environment.
Respect (kei) – for the host, the guest, and the tools used.
Purity (sei) – both physical cleanliness and spiritual clarity.
Tranquility (jaku) – the calmness that follows when the first three are practiced.
Though centuries have passed, these values remain central to the practice today.
The Japanese Tea Ceremony in Modern Japan
In contemporary Japan, the tea ceremony is no longer an everyday custom for most people. Instead, it exists as a cultural practice that attempts to connect modern life with tradition.
Cultural Preservation: Many Japanese people today continue to study the tea ceremony, enrolling in tea ceremony clubs to study, practice and perform the ritualized ceremony.
A Mindful Escape: In the busyness of modern Tokyo or Kyoto, stepping into a tea house feels like stepping into another world: quiet, simple, timeless.
Hospitality for Guests: Today, tea ceremonies are often shared with visitors as a way of offering insight into Japanese aesthetics, mindfulness, and culture.
For couples eloping in Japan, this makes the tea ceremony both accessible and meaningful, thus bridging the gap between the past and the present.
Why Couples Choose the Tea Ceremony for Their Elopement
1. A Symbol of Harmony and Respect
At its heart, the tea ceremony is about creating harmony and demonstrating respect. What better way to begin a marriage than by practicing these values together? Sharing tea becomes your first act as a married couple, a ritual that symbolizes your intention to build a life of balance and consideration.
2. A Moment to Slow Down
Elopements are often chosen for their intimacy and freedom from rigid schedules. Still, even with fewer moving parts, the day can pass quickly. The tea ceremony invites you to slow down, breathe, and simply be with one another. It creates space for reflection in the midst of joy.
3. A Deep Cultural Connection
Many couples coming to Japan for their elopement tell us that they want more than just a beautiful backdrop. They want a meaningful cultural experience. Participating in a tea ceremony offers exactly that: not a performance, but an act of hospitality that has been practiced for centuries.
4. An Intimate and Photogenic Experience
Whether held in a private tea house, a temple garden, or even inside a traditional townhouse, the tea ceremony is naturally intimate. It’s just the two of you, the tea master, and the quiet rhythm of the ritual. Photographers often capture these moments beautifully, though many couples might also choose to put the cameras down and savor the experience privately.
5. Adaptable to Your Day
The tea ceremony can serve different roles within your elopement:
A symbolic part of the marriage ceremony itself
A pause during the photo-shoot
Or as a closing ritual to bring the day to a gentle, reflective end
The Experience: What to Expect
A traditional tea ceremony can last anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours, depending on the style. For our elopements, we organize a shorter, more accessible version that lasts around 10 ~ 20 minutes.
1. The Setting: A tatami-floored tea room or garden pavilion, often with carefully chosen seasonal flowers and a hanging scroll to set the tone.
2. The Host: A tea master will guide the ritual, often explaining elements in English for international guests - sometimes the whole thing takes place in complete silence, or with the sound of the koto.
3. The Ritual: Guests cleanse their hands, bow, and enter the room. The host prepares matcha with deliberate, graceful movements. Each sip is taken with mindfulness and gratitude.
4. The Atmosphere: Silence, soft spoken words, and an almost meditative calm.
The Meaning Behind the Movements
Every action in the tea ceremony, from folding the cloth to cleansing the utensil; to the way the matcha is whisked; even to the presentation of the bowl, is carefully choreographed. These gestures are not simply ritual for ritual’s sake. They embody centuries of refinement, symbolizing respect for the guest, and gratitude for the tools and ingredients used. They are a reminder to the participants to be mindful; to be in the present. It's a form of meditation, in accordance with its Zen roots.
For couples, watching and participating in this choreography becomes part of the experience. In the context of a wedding, the precision and intentionality remind you that love is also built on small, mindful acts repeated day after day. Just as the tea master finds beauty in each careful movement, marriage finds strength and beauty in the way partners honor each other through daily kindness and attention.
How to Participate in a Tea Ceremony: Simple Etiquette
If you’ve never taken part in a Japanese tea ceremony before, don’t worry. Most couples haven’t, and your host or tea master will guide you through each step. The beauty of the experience is in being present — not in doing everything perfectly. Still, here are a few simple customs that will help you feel at ease:
Entering the Space
You’ll usually remove your shoes and bow lightly at the entrance. Sometimes, you may also be asked to rinse your hands as a gesture of purity.
Receiving the Tea Bowl (Chawan)
The tea ceremony master will present the bowl (chawan) to you with the pattern facing towards you. Bow, before receiving the bowl, then:
Accept the bowl with both hands, as a sign of respect.
Before drinking, gently turn the bowl clockwise, two or three times, so the decorative pattern faces away from you and does not touch yourlips.
Still holding the bowl in both hands, sip slowly, taking time to enjoy the moment.
When you’re done, admire the bowl briefly before handing it back with a smile and a bow.
Enjoying the Sweets
Often, a small sweet (wagashi) is served before the matcha. It balances the tea’s natural bitterness, and it’s perfectly fine to simply enjoy it as part of the ritual.
Relax and Be Present
The most important “rule” is to move calmly and be mindful. Your tea master will quietly guide you if you’re unsure of what to do.
**Importantly, don’t worry about making mistakes. The tea ceremony isn’t about getting everything “right” — it’s about slowing down, being present, and sharing the experience together.
A Living Symbol for Your Marriage
There’s a reason the tea ceremony has endured for centuries: it offers a moment of pause, reflection, and connection. For couples choosing to elope in Japan, it can transform a beautiful day into something unforgettable - a ritual that embodies mindfulness, respect, and harmony: three central pillars of both Zen philosophy and a lasting marriage.
Whether you’re in a quiet Kyoto tea house, a Zen temple garden, or a private Tokyo villa, the tea ceremony creates a memory that lingers long after the last sip of matcha.
Because in the end, it is not just about the tea. It is about the life you are beginning together, and the way you choose to honor it. If you’d like to include this living symbol of harmony and respect in your elopement, we would be honored to guide you.
Tea Ceremony FAQs
Do we need to wear kimono for the tea ceremony?
Not at all. Many couples choose kimono to immerse themselves fully in the experience, but western wedding attire is equally welcome. The heart of the tea ceremony is respect and mindfulness, not what you wear.
How long does a tea ceremony last?
A traditional tea ceremony can last several hours, but these days, they tend to be a lot shorter. The ceremonies we arrange max out at around 20 minutes.
Can our photographer capture the tea ceremony?
Absolutely, yes!
Is it difficult to participate if we don’t know the etiquette?
Not at all. Your host will guide you through the steps, and perfection isn’t expected. The most important thing is to be present, calm, and appreciative.
Where can we have a tea ceremony during our elopement?
Tea houses can be found in Kyoto’s gardens, Tokyo cultural centers, temples in Nara, and even private villas. We help couples choose a setting that fits their vision.
Do we need to speak Japanese to enjoy the tea ceremony?
No. Many tea masters who work with international guests provide explanations in English, and we’re always there to help guide you.
What does the tea taste like?
The matcha served is rich, slightly bitter, and earthy. It’s often paired with a sweet (wagashi) that balances the flavor beautifully.
Why do you recommend including a tea ceremony in an elopement?
At Elope in Japan, our mission is to share authentic Japanese cultural experiences with our couples. The tea ceremony embodies harmony, respect, and mindfulness — values that beautifully mirror the start of married life. For many couples, it becomes more than just an “add-on” to the day: it’s a deeply meaningful ritual, and a memory that lasts long after the last sip of matcha.
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